#learnfromreality // It Doesn’t Have To Be Awkward

When I was a few years out of college, I did something scandalous in my family. I switched hairdressers. Max wasn’t just my stylist, but the person who cut every woman’s hair in my immediate family - my mom’s, my sister’s, my aunt’s, my cousin’s. You get the picture… He was personable and skilled at his craft. He was the owner of the salon and I admired him as an entrepreneur. For me, though, it was time for a change, and, as a twenty-something looking to make her way in the world, I was on a mission to curate my own team in life. Before I left, I sent him a note thanking him for the years of follicular service explaining that I just needed a change.

Soon thereafter, I made an appointment with someone who was recommended to me at a different salon. I honestly don’t remember if the cut was spectacular, but I appreciated the shift in vibe and felt liberated from following out of convenience. No one in my family seemed to understand, and I got the impression that I did something wrong.

The next time I saw Max was at my sister’s wedding about 6 months later. I felt a bit embarrassed, but of course went up to him and said hello. His body language told me he was uncomfortable as well. When I reiterated that I had just needed a change, he curtly said that it was fine, but then added that I could have asked him for a recommendation within the salon.

Maya Angelou famously said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

After that comment I felt pretty shitty.

Fast forward twenty years later and I am now a real estate agent. Trust me...I'm very familiar with this sort of conundrum that occurs when you have someone in your life that provides a service, but they many not be the right fit for you.

I want you to know it does not have to be awkward. Here are three things to keep in mind as you navigate this situation yourself - either as a current client or potential client.

1) YOU HAVE A CHOICE. In most situations, you have a choice when it comes to engaging someone’s services. We all know a real estate agent, a lawyer, a dentist, but that doesn’t mean they are the right fit for your personality or personal goals. If you are working with someone out of pity or obligation rather than trust and confidence, it’s a shaky foundation that could affect the experience.

2) GIVE A HEADS UP RATHER THAN GHOST: If this is someone you would make it a point to say hello to in a coffee shop (at minimum), offer them the respect of having the hard conversation. Let them know that working together would not be a great fit or the situation is simply too personal. It’s always greatly appreciated when someone cares enough to communicate their decision. If this person is professional, they’ll take in the info graciously and everyone moves on. (Please just don’t ask them for advice in this field should you choose to enlist someone else’s services.)

3) BE A CHEERLEADER. Again, note that this is only if you like and respect the person. There are so many other ways to support people you know in service-based sales tangentially: Ask to be referred to someone (Max did have a point on that one, it was just communicated poorly); Keep them top-of-mind if you hear of anyone who may be looking for their services; Follow them on social, stay on their newsletter list; Ask and listen to what their career is like, what kind of training they are engaged in, how they are making efforts to expand in their field. This is not only how they make their living, but most of us genuinely want to help in our areas of expertise.

So Max, thank you. Our breakup has proven to hold many valuable lessons for me decades later. We all want to feel seen and heard and we can only be responsible for our own actions in these situations. Create your own team of people whose expertise and user experience align with your values and goals. It’s ok!

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